When To Say "I Love You" For The 1st Time In a Relationship

Deciding when to say "I love you" for the first time in a relationship is a significant milestone, and timing can vary depending on the individuals and the dynamics of the relationship.

Saying "I love you" should come from a place of genuine emotion and connection. There's no rush—wait until you feel ready and believe your partner is too. Trust your instincts and the natural progression of your relationship.

Expressing love is a profound and pivotal moment in any relationship. The words "I love you" carry immense weight, symbolizing deep affection, connection, and commitment.

Of course, there's no one-size-fits-all answer. Here are some considerations to help you decide when it might be the right time to say the words words "I love you".

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When To Say "I Love You" Relationship Advice

What To Do Before Saying "I Love You"

1. Ensure that your feelings are genuine and that you truly mean what you say. Love is a strong word, and it should reflect deep emotions and a strong connection.

2. Gauge whether there is a mutual understanding and emotional connection between you and your partner. It's important that both of you feel a similar level of affection and commitment.

3. Consider the comfort level and openness in your relationship. If you both feel emotionally secure and can communicate openly, it might be easier to express your feelings.

4. Look at how your relationship has evolved. Have you been through ups and downs together? Have you shared intimate moments and deep conversations that strengthen your connection?

5. Be mindful of your partner's readiness. Some people take longer to express their feelings, and that's okay. Avoid pressure or rushing them into saying "I love you" if they're not ready.

6. Focus more on the sincerity of your feelings rather than the specific timing. When you genuinely feel ready and want to express your love, that's when it's likely the right time for you.

Rachel Fleischman, a licensed psychotherapist, says “If that urge is strong, go for it. If you feel anxious about it, take a breath, slow down, and enjoy the rush of being together. It’s OK to wait.”

7. Choose a comfortable and private setting when you decide to say it. It can make the moment more special and intimate.

8. Be prepared for any response your partner might have. They might not be ready to say it back immediately, and that's alright. Allow them to express themselves in their own time.

9. Avoid saying the words too soon. It's probably not the best idea to tell someone you just met 'I love you'. Strong feelings such as love take time to develop. And you risk showing that you don't know the difference between (being in) love, and lust/infatuation.

Signs Your Partner Is Ready to Hear "I Love You"

A new study from research data and analytics technology group YouGov found that the average amount of time it takes to say "I love you" when in a new relationship is under four months.

Under a quarter (21%) of the 2,065 respondents of the survey said that they first told their other half they loved them under four months. And a sixth (15%) said those three words after one to two months, and 16% first said "I love you" after six months.

Keep in mind it is an average and every relationship is different. Here are some signs to look for and get an idea of how your partner may be feeling towards you.

1. Emotional Intimacy: If your partner is comfortable sharing their feelings with you and shows a genuine interest in understanding your emotions, it could indicate readiness for a deeper emotional connection.

2. Consistent Affection: Look for consistent displays of affection and care from your partner. This could include acts of kindness, thoughtful gestures, and expressions of love through words and actions.

3. Open Communication: A partner who communicates openly about the relationship's future, including long-term goals and aspirations, might be prepared to hear declarations of love.

4. Deepening Connection: As your relationship progresses, you may notice a deepening emotional connection with your partner. This connection often involves mutual trust, respect, and understanding.

5. Shared Vulnerability: When both partners feel comfortable being vulnerable and sharing personal experiences, fears, and dreams, it indicates a level of emotional closeness conducive to expressing love.

6. Enjoying Quality Time Together: If you and your partner genuinely enjoy spending time together and prioritize each other's company, it suggests a strong foundation for expressing love.

7. Supportive Behavior: A partner who consistently supports you through challenges and celebrates your successes is likely emotionally invested in the relationship.

8. Talking About Feelings: Your partner may initiate conversations about emotions and relationships, seeking to understand your thoughts and feelings about love and commitment.

9. Feeling Secure in the Relationship: If both you and your partner feel secure and valued in the relationship, it fosters an environment where expressing love feels safe and natural.

10. Non-Verbal Cues: Pay attention to non-verbal cues such as prolonged eye contact, physical closeness, and gentle touches, which can communicate emotional readiness and affection.

Please note that men and women are different. They show their love and affection in different ways and that's a good thing. Keep that in mind when evaluating if it is the right time to say "I love You" in a new relationship.

The researchers of Albertay University found that, on average, men thought about confessing love after around 70 days into a new relationship and confessed love after 108 days, while for women it was 77 days and 123 days respectively.

In general, two-to-three months into the relationship is an acceptable time to first confess love.

What To Do If My Partner Does Not Say "I Love You" Back

1. Give Them Space: Allow your partner time to process their feelings. They may need a moment to absorb the weight of your words and reflect on their own emotions.

2. Avoid Pressure: Refrain from pressuring your partner for an immediate response or demanding an explanation. Respect their emotional journey and give them the freedom to respond authentically.

Matthew Hussey, a New York Times bestselling author and relationship expert, says "Sometimes when we overfocus on those words, we can end up looking childish like we need them to say these words when they feel it and show us in other ways".

3. Communicate Openly: Initiate a calm and respectful conversation about your feelings and their response. Express that you understand they may need time and reassure them that you value their honesty.

4. Express Understanding: Show empathy towards your partner's perspective. Acknowledge that everyone experiences and expresses emotions differently, and it's okay for feelings to evolve at different paces.

5. Continue Showing Love and Support: Regardless of their response, continue to demonstrate love and support through your actions. Maintain open communication and reaffirm your commitment to the relationship.

6. Manage Expectations: Understand that relationships evolve over time, and feelings may deepen at different rates for each person. Avoid placing unrealistic expectations on your partner's response.

7. Be Patient: Give your partner the space and time they need to process their feelings. Rushing or pushing for an immediate response may create unnecessary tension or discomfort.

However, patience also has its limits. After a year, if neither of you feels ready to share the words with each other, then it might be time to reevaluate your relationship.

Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist, life fulfillment expert, and author, says "If a couple is dating seriously and the first 'I love you' has yet to be shared by both partners after eight months to a year has passed, that is a sign that something is amiss in either the direction of the relationship or the emotional availability of one or both partners".

8. Focus on the Relationship: Shift the focus towards nurturing the relationship as a whole. Continue building trust, fostering communication, and enjoying shared experiences together.

9. Seek Support if Needed: If you find it challenging to navigate this situation alone, consider seeking guidance from a trusted friend, family member, or counselor who can offer perspective and support.

10. Evaluate Compatibility: While it's natural for feelings to develop at different speeds, ongoing mismatched expectations regarding emotional expression could signal broader compatibility issues. Take time to evaluate the overall dynamics of the relationship.

F.A.Q: When to Say "I Love You"

1. How do I know if I'm ready to say "I love you" for the first time in a relationship?
   - Consider your feelings towards your partner—are they deep, genuine, and consistent? Assess your emotional readiness to express such a significant sentiment.

2. What are signs that my partner may be ready to hear "I love you"?
   - Look for emotional intimacy, mutual affection, and a strong connection. If your partner openly shares feelings and reciprocates affection, they might be ready to hear those three words.

3. Is there an ideal timeframe for saying "I love you" in a relationship?
   - Every relationship is unique. There's no set timeframe; it's more about the depth of your emotions and the stage of your relationship.

4. Should I wait for my partner to say "I love you" first?
   - Expressing love should come from genuine feelings, not from waiting for a specific moment. If you feel ready to say it, trust your instincts.

5. What if my partner doesn't say "I love you" back?
   - Be patient and understanding. Your partner may need more time to process their feelings. Avoid pressure and allow them to express themselves authentically.

6. Can saying "I love you" too soon in a relationship be a mistake?
   - It's essential to ensure that your emotions are genuine and that you're not rushing the declaration. Timing matters, but sincerity is paramount.

7. How can I create the right moment to say "I love you"?
   - Choose a private and comfortable setting where you both feel relaxed and connected. Share the words when the mood feels intimate and genuine.

8. What if I'm unsure about my feelings when considering saying "I love you"?
   - Take time to reflect on your emotions. Don't rush into expressing love if you're uncertain. It's okay to wait until you're confident in your feelings.

9. What if my partner and I have different timelines for saying "I love you"?
   - Communication is key. Have an open and honest conversation about your feelings and expectations. Respect each other's pace and perspective.

10. Is saying "I love you" a guarantee of a lasting relationship?
    - While expressing love is important, it's one aspect of a thriving relationship. Building trust, respect, and communication are equally essential for a lasting partnership.

Final Thoughts

Deciding when to say "I love you" is a deeply personal and heartfelt decision, unique to each relationship. It's a moment that signifies vulnerability, trust, and emotional connection.

The right moment to say "I love you" is when your heart feels full and ready to express genuine affection.

Trust your instincts and the natural evolution of your relationship. Be mindful of your partner's pace and readiness, and create a comfortable space for this significant declaration.

There's no universal formula for the perfect timing. Remember, the journey of love is as much about the process as it is about the destination.

Cherish each step along the way, whether it's the butterflies of anticipation or the warmth of shared moments. When the time is right, embrace the beauty of expressing your love authentically and wholeheartedly.

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Alex Assoune (MS) is a global health and environmental advocate. He founded Panaprium to inspire others with conscious living, ethical, and sustainable fashion. Alex has worked in many countries to address social and environmental issues. He speaks three languages and holds two Master of Science degrees in Engineering from SIGMA and IFPEN schools.